I’ve only recently started publicizing my writings, but I’ve kept a journal for several years now. It’s always been a secret comfort to me; a steady companion who doesn’t judge or question my sanity.
Writing to the public is surprisingly difficult. While I’ve always been outspoken and bull-headed in my beliefs, writing down these thoughts feels much more permanent and meaningful. Whoever is reading this now has this direct link into my life. And by allowing this, I’m putting my full trust and faith in the fact that you will also not judge me or question my sanity. Because no matter how much I share, or how much you think you understand, you don’t know my whole story. The only one who knows it is the person writing it. Me.
That being said, I will admit that I’ve been struggling lately, especially the past several months. Maybe one day, I’ll open up. For now though, I know the pain is still too fresh for me to explain with a level-head.
For those people in my inner circle, you understand.
I have been repeatedly knocked down. But I have also repeatedly gotten back up. Even when the blows come, one right after the other, you have to get back up.
Even during your darkest days… The day when you think you’re finally okay, when you’ve finally shaken off the pain and you’re starting to feel joy again – on that day, when life surprises you with yet another blow, you have to get back up.
I know how difficult it will be. I have been there. I am there.
But this is life. This is how it goes. You have highs and you have lows. You fight through the bad days and you cherish the good ones. You get kicked in the teeth. You get the wind knocked out of you. But you can also fight back. You can tell life it hits like a girl (or like a wimp, because women can be bad ass fighters).
I know, there will be days that you won’t be able to find a reason to get back up. There will be days when you shut yourself away from people. You build up your walls and you will harden your heart.
This is okay, but only temporarily.
Take your time. Catch your breath. Tend to your pain. Cry. Be angry. Feel your pain.
And then, get back up and keep swinging. Keep fighting.
Rise, stronger than before. Rise and refuse to let the world make you hard. Refuse to let the world make you bitter or cruel. Refuse to let the bad days and the shitty people define you. And even more so, refuse to let the world make you afraid.
Because if I have learned anything through keeping a journal, it’s this: The only person who can write your story is you. So tell me, what kind of story do you want to read? What kind of character do you want to be?